Letting Go...

   Leting go is not as easy as some people sem to think it is. It is actually very hard and takes time. See my friend Todd posted a blog a couple weeks ago, and I just read it. In the blog he mentioned a conversation we had. Well the conversation was about me letting go of a certain person. I just have one question. How do you let go of a person who has made such an impact in your life?
   You see i met this person at the begining of my junior year of high school. At first I thought he was gay, But he denied it.(infortunately he is gay) So, after we met, we became best friends. We spent A LOT of time together, and I told him everything about me. He knew every detail of my life. I was very comfortable around him, and I trusted him more than any of my friends. Then I started to like him. BIG MISTAKE.
  I finally got the guts to tell him how I felt, and suprisingly nothing in our friendship changed. We were still relly good friends. What bothered me was the fact that just about everyone kept asking if we were dating. I had to keep telling them no that we were just friends. That sucked big time. I kept wondering what was wrong with me and why he didn't like me like that. Well I guess I know now.
   So we got to the end of our junior year and prom was coming up. I kept dropping hints hoping he would ask me. I even went as far as letting him see my dress. Then nthe same night I showed him the dress he told me he was going to prom with one of my really close friends. I didn't show how upset I was at the time because we were going out to eat with soem friends. I didnt tell him how bad he had hurt me until later on. When I did tell him we stayed on the phone for two hous and I cried. Well after the prom incident things just went downhill.
   After prom he started hanging out with my friend that he took to prom more. This upset me because they were doing some of the same things we had done. So towards the end of our junior year our friendship was kind of on the rocks. Then we hit summer.
   During the summer you don't really talk to your friends as much as you would during the school year. So we talked, or shall i say texted as much as we could. The end of summer was the worst. We got into this huge arguement, and than I found out he was dating my friend that he took to prom. The sad thing was niether one of them told me. I found out from another friend. To be honest it broke my heart. I couldn't understand why they couldn't tell me themselves. In the end I eventually pulled mysel;f together and talked to BOTH  of them about it. We worked things out, then school started.
   It was the begining of my senior year in high school and everything was great. Our friendship was back to normal, but it wasn't the same as before. I was ok with this at the time. As couples do he and my friend broke up, but they stayed friends and all was well. As we got closer towards the end of our senior year my friend sort of isolated himself from the rest of us. This worried me a lot.
   His wierd behavior continued all throughout the rest of our senior year and even after graduation. This upset me a lot because I didn't know why he was acting this way. I had done nothing to him for him to ignore me. Well I soon found out why.
   My friend Todd called me one night and told me my friend was gay. Suddenly a bright light bulb lit up in my head and I was like "Oh so that's why he's not talking to me." Well I tried to call him, I facebooked him, and I text him all with no replies. So I finally told him that I didn't like him anymore, and he called me and explained everything. It was such a relief to know and I felt better. We even wnet to the movies and had lunch together it was gerat. Now we are back to talking and that's good.
   The main piont of this story was to explain why it is so hard to let him go. In some ways I have, but in other ways he will always have a place in my heart just like my family and other close friends I count as dear to me. Well that's enough from my life today. See ya soon!!!
Shelby